There are certain films I have earmarked for whenever I feel I need to be inspired – something to essentially give me a kick up the backside and help me decide what to focus on. Yes, they’re usually rom-coms. What they have in common is that wake-up call moment, where the character has a silent epiphany to knock them out of whatever problem they’re having; then comes the montage of them taking action, piecing themselves back together, taking control. From Carrie getting her assistant and redesigning her apartment, to Meg Ryan in The Women putting her relationships aside and creating a mood board of her own fashion label (my personal favourite), to Alice in How To Be Single deciding to quit the dick-sand and train to hike the Grand Canyon and Bridget getting on a spin bike and finding a new job; all of them are of women having a moment of clarity that helps them find out who they want to be next. As the viewer, I love it (who doesn’t love a montage? Bonus points if there’s dancing) and am practically cheering them on from the sofa.
Well. I have watched those films many times (and others like them). I’ve read countless books with similar situations spread across the pages. And I’m still waiting for my montage.
It comes back to why I chose this title for the blog; I don’t know how to know what I want in a way that helps me make a plan. And the more I watch these films – in the hope the characters’ epiphanies will help to spark my own – the less I feel I’ll ever know. How do people (not the ones the scriptwriters create, I mean real people now) make huge life decisions and plan out their next moves with such certainty?
2017 has been a weird one for me, not for any particular reason but because I feel a little lost. I mean, I’m not in a different position to what I was 6 months or even a year ago, but I have no definite direction. I don’t know quite where I’m going. I’m not convinced I am going anywhere, in fact, which when everyone around you is moving, up, up and often further and further away, is worrying. They all seem to look forward and make plans for what’s next, effortlessly; instead, I seem to look back, wishing things were better but unsure of what that would look like.
I suppose real life is no different from the movie montages in that from where I’m watching, it looks simple – whereas if you were to watch it unfold step by step, decision by decision, it would seem far less impressive (though that would be far more helpful for people like me who are hoping to pick up a few life transformation tips). As a friend said to me last week, ’No one has their shit together, not really – we’re all just winging it’.
Perhaps, then, I just need to work out how to wing it a bit better, but I’m still keeping my fingers crossed that my montage is around the corner. And I really hope there’s dancing.