Yep, back on it. Nope, I’m not sure why either. It’s all positivity and optimism until you’ve scrolled through six Daves, four hotguy4Us and a million profiles that all seem to say the same thing. These are (paraphrased, I have better things to do than copy word for word) genuine lines that I’ve come across in just two days, and they seem all too common in dating app land. Someone save me, please…
‘I don’t like to talk about myself, I just like to get to know people and find out who they are.” That’s great Steve, but a little info would be helpful because we want to know you’re not a psychopath.
“I’m still finding out the boundaries of who I really am.” Umm, I can’t help you with that? Go travelling or do yoga or something, idgaf
“Hot, toned, rich, athletic male looking 4 sexy date.” Hello Modesty? Yeah, I’ve got someone I’d like you to meet.
“Looking for someone to be my partner in crime for plenty of adventures and escapades.” Oh shut up Ian this is not an Enid Blyton novel.
“I hope your not crazy.” I hope you’re not seriously unable to tell the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ but sometimes life is cruel, James.
“Books? I only really read Reddit.” Oh my god. Next.
“Please plan shoe shopping or whatever for when sport is on, it’ll make things easier.” Oh sure sweetie, shall I do your washing too and then have a pillow fight with my friends? *high pitched squeal*
“New to London and want someone to explore it with.” Maybe get a dog? Or a tour guide? I was just looking for a date…
“Looking for someone who just wants to meet rather than chat first.” Sure. That definitely sounds safe.